J is for JURY

Perhaps this will be a bit informative for those facing JURY duty. If not, then it's just a place holder for me to come back to next time I get that dreaded notice in the mail. A reminder of sorts. A sharing of experience. So here it goes. How I survived 8 extremely long days.

I didn't count the first day. The county doesn't count it either as I see by the check that I received last week that barely covered my fast food lunches. Maybe it would have only been half a day if I had breezed through the 19 pages of questions and been the first one out the door. Not me. I had to go through each and every one of them and try to figure out which response would be the one for a convenient early dismissal. Even though the judge insisted there were no correct responses and we would not be able to second guess their motivation behind these questions. I figured I'd get a phone call kindly asking me not to return. NOT.

A month later there are eighty of us gathered outside the courtroom. We glimpse over our newspapers, iPads and Kindles at the competition. I had everyone figured out by the time we filed into the room. I knew exactly which ones would be picked. NOT. So much for the face reading seminar I attended the weekend before. At first I was shocked that anyone else in the courtroom could have a better reason than I could to get out of it. Then reality sunk in. Everyone has a story. For the first day it was almost interesting enough to stay awake. My neighbor only had to jab me awake once. Apparently I wasn't alone. The bailiff muttered something about adding a squirt gun to his already loaded up toolbelt, indicating the vacant spot next to his tazer. Yikes, I thought, what if he grabs the wrong tool.

I'll skip the rest of the drama and go straight to the JURY duty survival tips:

• Always silence the cell phone. Don't even let it vibrate. The judge will hear it.
• Skip the zippered, metal button jacket or jeans and underwired bra to avoid the wand at the door.
• Arrive early before the parking lot fills up... I never managed to do this one but the long walk balances out fast food lunches.
• Bring more to read than the Kindle or iPad. Your batteries will die.
• Wear layers... not just because of hot flashes.
• Don't try to hide in the back row. There's lots more leg space and air in the front.
• Find a lunch bunch and add one more person each day to keep it interesting.
• Wear your walking shoes. Lunch is almost always 1 1/2 hours plus there are 20 minute breaks morning and afternoon. Take the stairs, not the elevator.
• Keep your sense of humor... even the judge cracks a joke once in a while, if you're lucky.
• Always come back... we heard the judge issue a $10,000 warrant for one who didn't return.