zzzzzzzzzzzzz

I hate going to the dentist. It brings back all those childhood memories of no novacaine, drilling and filling and even a couple of tooth extractions (yes they were permanent teeth). So I get up this morning all prepared... prepared cause I haven't slept one bite sized chunk of time so perhaps I'll fall asleep in the chair.

I get to the office early, with my kind of thinking that I'll just get this over with and be on with the day. There's a sign on the counter,"Have a seat while we have our morning meeting." So I sit and leaf through the six month old travelers digest magazines reading about all the places that I think only my dentist can afford to go to. Did I mention that I have prepaid my bill so I don't have to worry about it next year?

Half way through the second dogbitten magazine I get called into the chair. I ease my way into it, once I figure out how to get around the butt grabbing arm. "congratulations," my dentists says as I sit myself down.

"Huh?" I look at him leeringly.

"You're the first person to sit in my new chair. Comfy?" He smiles.

"Oh sure. It's great."

"Mind if I give you a little pre-numbing medication?" Like I would say no. Not. The chair lurches as he steps on his shiny new pedal and I careen halfway to the ceiling. "Oops, sorry. New equipment." I reach around behind my neck... just checking for a whiplash. "Just a pinch now. Three. Two. One." My upper lip now closes in on my left nostril. "I'll be back in just a couple of minutes." Before I can close my mouth he steps on the shiny pedal once again and I'm lurched back down to the floor.

Okay, I'm going to make a long story short now. He comes back in, eases into his stool, and with calculated movement, gracefully raises my chair up into the glaring light. It's a new light. "How do you like my new light," my dentist asks has he starts to stuff my mouth full of cotton. I squint. His assistant offers me sunglasses. I point out that I am already wearing my own glasses, and they happen to be tinted. I close my eyes as I catch the drill coming around from behind.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. "I need water," the dentist looks as his assistant. ZZZZZZZZZZZ. "Can we have water?" he asks again. ZZZZ.... he stands up and sets the drill aside. "Call the repair man," he whispers to his assistant. Meanwhile he gets down on his hands and knees and nonchalantly grabs a couple of dental instruments to pry open the equipment access door. The receptionist comes in to tell him it will be at least an hour before they can come and look at it. He tinkers around a bit, tosses his tools aside and says, "prep for a bondo" to his assistant.

I'm thinking I don't need water. Just drill and fill like the old days. All I want to do is get out of here and back to work. Imagine that... wanting to be at work. But it's not going to work that way. The dentist returns to his stool, thankfully with new gloves and a new tray of instruments. "I'm really sorry. We are going to have to bondo the tooth and have you return on another day."

I smell the bondo and can't help thinking about my recent experience with superglue. I picture leaving with my teeth glued to my tongue. Fortunately he is not as clumsy as I so within a couple of minutes I'm jumping out of the chair, setting up a time to come back on Wednesday and just ready to walk out the door. "Wait," the dentist says. "I have something for you." He hands me a Starbucks coffee card. "Treat yourself."

With stiff, numb upper lip and a tinge of bondo taste still lingering, I consider the coffee card as I get into my car. I don't think so.